Generosity & Kindness & Caring & the Brain

Generosity is easy to achieve if you value yourself first.
Generosity is easy if you value others.
Generosity is easy to achieve if you believe in yourself.

We give so much, all day, all day long, day in and night out.
Sometimes we are tired
Sometimes we don’t feel very generous

And that is when Kindness comes in
When another person doesn’t want your generous offer,
Kindness gives us the ability to look first before acting
Kindness gives us the wisdom to know what we want to do and when to do nothing.

Care Givers & Care Receivers

Who has been a Care Receiver?
• I have been a Care Receiver. I can tell you. All the little things are appreciated and will not be forgotten.
• Who has been a Care Giver?
• Who has been both?

• Who has been both at the same time?
• Who has ignored their own health issues while caring for another?
• Becoming a Care Giver means you may have to learn a New Language and using Muscles you didn’t know you have.

Disney Customer Service. When someone asks, “What time is the 2:00 parade.”
Wrong Answer: “What’s the matter with you? It’s 2:00”. Being Huffy doesn’t help.
Better Answer: “The 2:00 parade is starting on time,.” pointing towards a shady spot, “And that is the best spot”.

If someone is having cognitive issues and they ask the same question over and over.
Saying, “I Told You”, doesn’t help.
Answer the question they ask.
The question they ask may not be what they want to know. It may be the only words they have. Sometimes, sitting with them, using a few kind words will suffice.

A Care Giver may want to know what they have to do exactly,
• but an exact answer is not usually available.
• I don’t know what a job description would explain.
• Going to med school is probably not an option either.

One Care Giver should never try to do everything. Find a team or a posse.
• Care Givers must find ways to take care of themselves.
• A Caregiver may find that, “Of course, I Care”, but not understanding all they are facing can undermine even the most loving person’s effort.
• When it is time for the patient to leave the hospital, it feels like a Nurse is escorting “Care Giver” to a 747 plane. The co-pilot says to the “Care Giver”, “Welcome, Captain “Care Giver”. We are ready for takeoff”.

Fred Rogers:
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”

Take a moment
• Have you ever been with a child who has an accident? How does that feel?
• Have you ever been with a child who is not well? How does that feel?
• Have you been with a loved one who has had a sudden illness? How does that feel?
• Have you been with a loved one who has a chronic illness? How does that feel?

Take another moment.
• Feel what you feel, not the fear, but the love
• and then you can figure out what to do next.

• What does it mean if your children are in another room and it is “Quiet”? The Scary “Quiet”. Check it out.
• What happens when a baby has no words and your animal doesn’t have words. What do you do?
• What are the sounds when someone is struggling? Sit. Listen.
• What are the sounds when someone is ill and you don’t know what to do and you are worried. Sit.
• What are the sounds when the Care Giver and Receiver don’t understand each other? Sit
• What can you do? Be kind, Touch their hand. Tell them that you are happy you are together. Brush their hair. Play music. Be happy for that.
• Be sad; it’s okay. It’s okay to laugh too. Sometimes at the same time.
• Be Quiet. Stop Talking. Or be a Chatterbox.

Joni Mitchell

Both Sides Now

Oh, but now old friends they’re acting strange
And they shake their heads and they tell me that I’ve changed
Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day
I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all